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Leo selected Pulp Friction . John Travolta and Uma Thurman weren’t dancing to “You Never Can Tell”—they were in a dark salon. Uma’s iconic bob was chopping through dialogue. “You know what they call a Number 2 on the sides in Paris?” she asked. “Royale with shears.” Then Vincent Vega’s slicked-back ducktail suddenly slithered off his head, crawled across the floor, and strangled a waiter.

He watched Schindler’s Locks . The black-and-white horror wasn’t the Holocaust—it was a barbershop where every snip erased a memory. Liam Neeson’s character tried to save a child by braiding her hair into a list of names. Leo wept. Two more strands vanished from his webcam pillow. 7hitmovies.hair

He opened his mouth to scream, but the only sound that came out was the opening theme of Titanic , played entirely on the vibration of hair. Leo selected Pulp Friction

Leo should have closed the laptop. Instead, he laughed. Then he noticed the fine print at the bottom of the screen: “You know what they call a Number 2 on the sides in Paris

LEO. LEONARDO. HELP.